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BERTA PHILLIPS



 TODAY I LOST ME

I know where I left me last night
Under the covers, tucked in tight.
I was there when I woke at three a.m. and four
I remember distinctly the old nightshirt I wore.

The night dragged on as it always does
But something had to be different because
When I got out of bed I was well, gone!
Misplaced, stolen, lost before dawn.

I searched the house for any trace
Of the me I had misplaced.
I looked under the stairs where the spiders lurk
I searched the whole place, and then went berserk!

I was gone, vanished, disappeared
Losing me was worse than I feared.
Without me here I just can have fun
And goodness knows nothing will ever get done!

The sun rose and soon it will set
I've spent this day searching and yet
The me I am looking for just won't be found.
I wonder if I'm just lurking around.

Staying hidden for at least a day,
Perhaps tomorrow I'll be back to play.
I guess I'll just have to wait here for me
I'm sure I'll return eventually.

~BERTA~
5/04/01






 MOST DAYS I TRY TO SMILE

 Most days I try to smile, look for the beauty around.
Most days I try to laugh, keep my spirits from falling down.
Most days I try, but not always.
 Somedays the best I can do is to mourn the losses and shed
 the tears for what I am going through.
The laughter and tears are connected, both intrinsic for healing to start.
 Sorrow and joy form a union, giving birth to the renewal of the heart.

05/01/01






 PITY PARTY

Today I am going to pout
& most definitely mope all about.
I'm going to scream, "This isn't fair!"
Refuse to get dressed or brush my hair.
I'll yell and I'll cry,
heave sigh after sigh.
I'll throw a pillow or two
make you wonder what you should do.
But let me make this quite clear:
DO NOT INTERFERE!
Self-pity's my right
and this party lasts but one night.
Come tomorrow I'll be fine,
But Baby, tonight is all mine!

04/29/01






 WHAT THE PAIN CAN'T TAKE AWAY

The breeze gently blows through the evergreens. Sparrows and finches sing. A squirrel plays in the maple tree, and I thank God for this day.
The pain is present, as always. Walking is more than I can bear. My garden is in a desperate state, for no one is there to tend it. Yet amongst the weeds the flowers still bloom. I smile as I thank God for this day.
The lawn needs work, the house needs paint, and the laundry is yet to be done. Dishes are piled high in the sink, but the children laugh and their joy fills the air, And I thank God for this day.
My arms ache and my face grows numb, yet I feel the breeze gently blowing, and hear the robins sing. I can smell the fragrant blossoms...I shall always thank God for this day.

04/28/01






 JUST A THOUGHT

I envy those who think on their toes-
remember each line, stanza and verse.
With speech so fluent, it's a joy to converse.
Yet they think it absurd when I can't find the right word.
So give me, please, just a little more time.
The thought is here, somewhere in my mind.
I'm intelligent, bright, conversant - darned smart!
I've a bit of knowledge and wisdom I'd like to impart.
And although I'm not one of those
who can think on her toes,
don't assume that I'm dumb
simply because my digits are numb!!!!

04/27/01






 A PRAYER WITHOUT WORDS


All the words have left me today
And it's not the fibro-fog that took them away
Sometimes the feelings are just too deep for a simple word
It's the groaning of the Spirit with utterances unheard
The only prayer I offer up this night
Comes from a place reached solely by God's light
I don't know what to say or even what to feel
The loss, frustration, pain seem all too surreal
I look towards heaven and know my Father's there
Holding me close to his heart enveloped in His tender care
His mercies I rely on, His gentle love is my shield
In the palm of His hand I remain safely concealed
No sorrow can overcome the One who created love
No power can conquer Him whether on earth or heaven above
I place my trust firmly in Jehovah God the only One
And in my King and Savior, Christ Jesus, his beloved Son

04/08/01






 NEVER ALONE


There are days when troubles wear,
Burdens to heavy for me to bear.
Loaded down I fall to my knees.
It''s only then that I can see.

I do not stand, myself alone.
There are others, perhaps unknown,
friends, family, angels, God
who help me on this journey trod.

When I am weak, then I am strong,
For I know to whom I belong.
A Savior great, who comfort brings.
To him this day my heart does sing.

Abandoned never shall I be.
His throughout all eternity.
Soon I shall feel his healing hand,
as he fulfills his promise grand.

Jehovah God, my Father true,
His tender mercies for me renew
a faith so small, but a seed,
has grown and blossomed inside of me.

And as his grace fills my heart
to others his love shall I impart.
To make him known, to share his Name
so all the wounded hearts may claim

His love as theirs, thus realize
their place within his Paradise.
His Son, Christ Jesus, died and then
rose to give us life again.

A promise true, a hope secure.
We are not forced to endure
our trials alone. Him shall we laud,
and always remember With Us Is God!

07/30/01






 THE MONSTER I FIGHT


At night as I try to sleep,
A monster silently creeps
Into my room. It takes hold of me.
Though I fight, it won't let go of me.
As the battle wages on, more of me I lose.
I am tired, I am weak, but fight it I chose.
I can't give up, there's too much at stake.
The me I knew will not break.
I must fight on. I must be strong.
This silent monster to me does not belong.
And on the day it chooses to hide,
I know it's there somewhere inside.
Still I take my stand to win this war,
Determined, wrestling as never before.
It uses pain; it uses fear.
Its arsenal is clear,
Confusion and depression are its allies.
Yet there are those on whom I rely:
Friends and loved ones who support me
Will help to win a victory.
Someday the monster will roar no more,
When we take our lives back and even the score

07/27/01